Ask Francis Bonnefoy!
by Become One With Russia
Summary: Boujour. I am Francis Bonneyfoy, and I am here to answer your questions.  Oh, goody...
1. Chapter 1

Regular = Francis

**Bold = From comments**

_Italics = The authoress_

Bounjour, to all of you. Zis is Francis Bonnefoy. Also known as ze human personification of ze country of love, France. You can call me whatever you wish…

_You DO realize you may have opened up a nasty can of worms with that, right, Francy-pants?_

Perhaps I did, but it's nothing I cannot deal with.

_Wahtevs, Dude; just get on with it, kayz?_

You speak like zat brat, Amerique, you know?

_Gee, I wonder why…Could it possibly be…THE FACT THAT I'M AMERICAN?_

Oui, zat may have something to do with it.

_Do NOT make me come over there! Just say what you're supposed to be saying!_

Oui, oui. To all of ze fans zat are reading zis: I know zat many of you may have questions concerning ze show, or any of us zat you have feared would never be answered.

Well, fret no longer, mon petite minettes; for here you may ask…

_Did you just call the readers "my little pussycats"? 0_o_

Oui. Why?

…_No reason. Please continue._

Thank you, mon chere.

As I was saying before I was so very rudely interrupted, I will be answering any and all questions zat you have. You may ask me anything you would like. You may ask me as many questions as you have.

_But only if they can all fit into one comment! If you have to make two comments to get all the questions in, just ask some of your questions after one chapter and others after another._

Oui. I agree with zis. So, if you have any questions, simply leave a comment for us. Be sure to leave kisses for Big Brother France, also, oui?

_Don't you have anyone besides my readers to harass?_

Non. No one else except for you, mon amour. And you are rather frightening when angry…

_Damn straight! Go bug Artie until we get enough comments._

If you insist…Angleterre~!

_-_- Wow. That's the only thing I can even say right now. Hey, Elizaveta! I think you can find some good yaoi over there!_


	2. Chapter 2

Regular = Francis

_Italics = Authoress_

**Bold = From comments**

Welcome back, mon tresors! Ze moment you have been holding your breath for is here! I will now answer all of your questions. You can stop pinching yourself, because zis is not a dream!

_GET ON WITH IT!_

Oui, oui. Our fits comment comes from Sebastian's Servant Felicia:

**YO FRANCE! Felicia at your service *Takes a bow***

**Questions:**

**1) Is Paris really the city of lights?**

**2) how do you say "I love you Laura my wife" in French?**

**3) have you seen 2 girls 1 cup?**

**4) what is your fav. Song?**

**5) You're awesome have I told you that?**

**6) what is your fav. Color /shot/**

Well, boujour to you, Madmoselle Felicia, and ze pleasure is mine. *kisses your hand*

In response to your questions:

1) Oui, it is. Ze city glows at night. It is a sight to behold, mon chere.

2) You would say it as: "Je t'aime, mon femme Laura."

3) Oui, I have. Why?

4) Hmm…Mon favorite song? Zat is a hard one…I think I am starting to like ze song Amerique introduced me to called Ze Bad Touch. Ohonhon! To zose of you zat have not heard it, I would suggest zat you do.

_And I would suggest that you not listen to it near your parents without headphones!_

Oui. Some people do not understand ze sophistication of l'amour.

5) Non, you have not. But merci.

6) I would have to say zat I am partial to blue. And especially to lighter shades of it.

Ze next letter we received was from Shoujo Fan Fiction:

**Hello Francis, can I call you that ^_^? Anyway I have a few questions to ask:**

**1) What's your opinion on "playing hard to get"?**

**2) What's your relationship with England? *bricked***

**3) Boxers or briefs?**

**4) Why is French the language of love?**

**5) What's your favorite rose?**

**That's all, merci pour vorte Francis temps! 3333**

Boujour, mon chere. And of course you may call me by mon human name.

In response to your questions:

1) As much as I enjoy a challenge, when people "play hard to get" so-to-speak, it can send a bad message to ze person zey are playing with, and make ze person thing zey are not interested. If I wasn't as smart as I am in ze love department, I would have zought zis of mon Angleterre. But I know better, oui?

2) Mon relationship with Angleterre is very complicated, I'm afraid. His knowledge of love is little, and he seems to enjoy punching me whenever he gets ze chance. But we have known each other for quite a while and I like to think zere is a bit of love behind our relationship, oui?

_Keep telling yourself that, Francey-pants._

Pardone moi? I was not aware zat zis was "Ask Laura Joyal".

_DUDE! NOT COOL! I'M NOT ALLOWED TO GET PWNED IN MY OWN FIC!_

Zen kindly put a lid on it.

3) Neither, mon lapin. Underwear is simply too confining and it adds another layer of clothing zat one must remove before being able to release one's love-making organ, non?

_Are you trying to say that you don't wear underpants?_

More or less, mon chere.

…_Ew._

4) Ohonhon! It is ze language of love because I am ze country of love! If you want to know more, please leave for me directions to your bedroom, oui?

_Are you going to keep it in your pants, or am going to have to chop it off?_

You wouldn't!

_I happen to be holding a very large butcher knife behind my back. One quick chop would do it, and that legendary penis of yours would be flushed down the toilet!_

Non, non! Have mercy!

_Then, GET ON WITH IT!_

Oui…

5) Hmm…I am quite partial to ze grandiflora species of rose.

Ce n'est pas un probleme.

Our next letter comes from an anonymous reviewer who calls zemself AILOVE:

**Konnichiwa France!**

**I'm doing…something…and I wanna know your opinion on things.**

**1) How do you feel when you and England start to fight?**

**2) Was Canada really your colony or was he England's? Sorry if it's too personal. Just wanna know.**

**3) What is your favorite food?**

**4) Color?**

**5) What is your favorite word in French**

**6) Do you speak any other language in your home country?**

**Thank you for answering my questions. I may be able to know you a little more. Thank you~**

Bounjour, mon amour. What exactly is it you are doing…?

In answer:

1) It has become as normal as ze sun rising in ze East and setting in ze Weat for Angleterre and I to fight. I do not think about it all zat much. But when I do, I am happy zat we fight. After all…if we did not, I would have no reason to touch him. Ohonhon!

_-_- Seriously?_

Oui.

2) Canada was my colony and zen later became Angleterre's. It is fine to ask zis; I did say you could ask anything, non?

3) Right now my favorite food would probably be one of our many delicacies, called "Religieuse au chcolat". It is similar to an éclair, but has two parts to it. If you have never heard of it, try google, oui?

4) Ze color question again? As said earlier, I like light shades of blue ze best.

5) Hmm…It is so hard to choose one word, so I will instead give you mon favorite saying: "Laissez-moi vous faire l'amour."

_-_- For real, Francey-pants? (seriously! Google translate it!)_

For real, mon chere.

6) Well, we still mainly speak French, but today a large amount of us speak English as well.

Vous etes les bienvenous, mon chere.

And now for our last letter. Zere is no name on it. It reads:

**Dear cher France,**

**It seems that no matter what I do, I can never find le homme parfait pour moi. That is, until I heard about you. Why can't all guys be perfect like you? If you ever get lonely, you are free to give me a call anytime. Je t'aime beaucoup!**

**Vous avez mon coeur,**

**Judged D**

Bounjour, mon amour. Hmm…So, you have had problems with ze men, non? Most have zis problem, I believe.

Chere, I will be ze first to tell you: I may be a wonderful nation, but I am far from perfect. People can never be perfect, but zey can be perfect for each other, and zat is how we find love, non?

Je t'aime, mon chere.

Et vous avez la mine.

And…zat is all, I believe.

_Yeah. Sure is. And, just a side note: Ya'll better be grateful that I looked up all those French words and phrases! It wasn't exactly easy!_

_Anyways, the next chapter will be out when we get more questions! Later!_

Adieu, mon cerises douces!

…_Did you just call the readers "my sweet cherries?" 0_o_


End file.
